The Backwards Law: The Backwards Law Getting Everything You Want

Have you ever been so desperate for a good night's sleep that you ended up staring at the ceiling for hours, your mind buzzing with the sheer effort of trying to switch off? Or have you ever tried so hard to be confident in a social setting that you came across as incredibly awkward and stiff? If you're nodding along, you’ve already had a firsthand encounter with a profound and slightly maddening truth about life: the backwards law.

It’s a beautifully simple, yet deeply counterintuitive idea. At its heart, the backwards law states that the more you actively and desperately pursue something, the more you push it away. It’s the paradox that wanting a positive experience is, in itself, a negative experience. And conversely, accepting a negative experience is, in itself, a positive one.Sounds bonkers, right? We’re raised in a world that screams the opposite. We’re told to hustle, to grind, to chase our dreams with relentless ambition. "Go get it!" is the mantra of our age. Yet, this very philosophy of forceful striving is often what leaves us feeling anxious, unfulfilled, and perpetually one step behind the happiness we’re chasing. This isn't about giving up; it's about fundamentally changing the way you approach everything.

### The Core Paradox: Why Wanting Something Pushes It Away

Let's break this down. When you desperately want to be happy, what are you really telling yourself? You're reinforcing the underlying belief that, right now, you are not happy. The craving itself shines a massive spotlight on the absence of the thing you desire. Your intense effort to escape a feeling like anxiety only makes you more aware of the anxiety. It’s like being stuck in quicksand; the more you struggle and flail, the faster you sink. The very act of resistance becomes the chain that holds you down.

#### A Simple Metaphor: The Chinese Finger Trap

Think of a Chinese finger trap, that little woven bamboo tube. Your instinct when you put your fingers inside is to pull them out forcefully. But what happens? The trap tightens. The harder you pull, the more stuck you become. The only way to escape is to do the opposite of what your instincts scream at you to do: you have to push your fingers in. By moving toward the "problem," you create the slack needed to release yourself. This is the backwards law in its purest form. Freedom is found not in resistance, but in a gentle, deliberate move toward acceptance.

The Man Who Made It Famous: Unpacking Alan Watts’ Wisdom

While the concept is ancient, the philosopher who truly brought the backwards law into the modern Western conversation was Alan Watts. With his signature wit and wisdom, Watts masterfully explained how our pursuit of security and pleasure was the very source of our anxiety and pain. He wasn't just a stuffy academic; he was a brilliant translator of complex ideas, making them accessible and profoundly relevant.

### Watts’ Critique of Our Non-Stop Striving Culture

Watts saw our culture as being caught in a frantic, self-defeating loop. We work jobs we dislike to buy things we don’t need to impress people we don’t care about. We are constantly striving for a future moment of release—"I'll be happy when I get that promotion," "I'll relax once the weekend is here," "Life will be good when I'm on vacation."But as Watts pointed out, this future is a phantom. It never arrives. Life is only ever happening now. By constantly straining for a future payoff, we completely miss the only reality we ever have: the present moment. The backwards law reveals that true satisfaction doesn't come from achieving that future goal; it comes from releasing the need for it and finding richness in the here and now.

### The Futility of Chasing Happiness Directly

"Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone," Watts once wrote, perfectly summarizing the principle. When you try to force happiness, you just stir up the muck of your own insecurities and dissatisfactions. You start asking, "Why am I not happy yet? What's wrong with me?" which is a surefire recipe for misery. The backwards law suggests you should just let the water be. Acknowledge the sadness, the boredom, the anxiety. By leaving it alone, by not struggling against it, the sediment naturally settles, and clarity emerges on its own.

Ancient Echoes: Where Did This Idea Come From?

Alan Watts may have given it a catchy name, but he was standing on the shoulders of giants. The wisdom of the backwards law snakes its way through centuries of human thought, from the mystical texts of ancient China to the pragmatic halls of Roman philosophy.

### Taoist Wisdom: The Effortless Power of Wu WeiIn

 Taoism, this concept is beautifully captured in the term Wu Wei. It's often translated as "non-action" or "effortless action," but that can be misleading. Wu Wei isn't about being a couch potato. It's about acting in harmony with the natural flow of life, like a skilled sailor who uses the wind and currents to move the boat, rather than trying to row against a storm.

#### Understanding 'Effortless Action' in Practice

It’s the difference between forcing a creative idea and allowing one to arise. It's the martial artist who uses an opponent's momentum against them instead of meeting force with force. It's about knowing when to act and when to wait. When you practice Wu Wei, you stop fighting reality. You become a participant in the dance of life, not someone trying to violently wrestle it into submission. You apply effort, yes, but it’s a smart, intuitive, and aligned effort.

### Stoic Philosophy: Embracing What You Can't Control

Halfway across the world, the Stoic philosophers like Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus were teaching a similar lesson. A cornerstone of Stoicism is the "Dichotomy of Control"—the idea that some things are up to us, and others are not. We control our own thoughts, judgments, and actions. We do not control what other people think, the weather, or whether we get sick.The Stoics argued that all human suffering comes from trying to control what we cannot. The backwards law is a direct reflection of this. When you desperately try to control someone's opinion of you, you become anxious and inauthentic. When you accept that their opinion is outside your control and focus only on being a good person, you paradoxically gain a quiet confidence that is far more admirable.

The Surprising Science Behind Letting Go

This all sounds nice philosophically, but what’s actually happening in our brains? Fortunately, modern psychology has begun to catch up with ancient wisdom, providing scientific backing for why the backwards law is so potent.

### The Ironic Process Theory: The "Don't Think of a Pink Elephant" Effect

Psychology has a name for this self-sabotaging mental habit: Ironic Process Theory. Here’s how it works. Try this right now: for the next 10 seconds, do not think about a big, clumsy white bear.What happened? You almost certainly pictured a white bear. Harvard psychologist Daniel Wegner demonstrated that when we try to suppress a thought, one part of our brain dutifully avoids it, but another part "checks in" to make sure we're not thinking about it, which, of course, brings the thought roaring back to the forefront of our minds. This is why trying not to feel anxious makes you more anxious, and why trying not to be awkward makes you more awkward. Your effort is the fuel for the fire you're trying to put out.

### Why We 'Choke' Under Pressure: The Psychology of Performance AnxietyWe 

also see the backwards law play out in high-stakes performance. A professional golfer can sink a putt a thousand times in a row during practice. But when faced with that same putt to win a major championship, they might "choke." Why? Because they shift from a state of automatic, unconscious competence (a form of Wu Wei) to a state of hyper-conscious, forced effort.They start overthinking the mechanics: "Is my elbow right? Am I breathing correctly?" This conscious meddling disrupts the smooth, practiced neural pathways that allow for peak performance. The desperate desire to sink the putt gets in the way of sinking the putt. The solution, as many elite athletes will tell you, is to "get out of your own way" and trust your training—in other words, to let go.

How to Actually Use The Backwards Law in Your Real Life

Okay, this is all fascinating, but how do we move from theory to practice? How can you apply this seemingly abstract principle to the messy reality of your daily life?

### For Overthinkers and Anxious Minds: Befriending Your Fear

The next time you feel a wave of anxiety, stop fighting. Don't try to push it down, ignore it, or distract yourself. Pause. Take a breath. Turn your attention inward and just... observe it. Notice where you feel it in your body. Is your chest tight? Is your stomach churning? Acknowledge it without judgment, as if you were a curious scientist. Say, "Ah, hello anxiety. I see you're here." By doing this, you stop adding a second layer of fear—the fear of the fear itself. You drop the rope in the tug-of-war, and often, the feeling begins to lose its intensity all on its own.

### In Your Relationships: The Magnetism of Non-Neediness

Whether in romance or friendship, desperation is the ultimate repellent. When you try too hard to make someone like you, you put on a performance. You’re not being you; you're being a carefully curated version of you designed for approval. The backwards law approach is to focus on your own life. Cultivate your own passions, hobbies, and sense of self-worth. When you operate from a place of fullness rather than emptiness, you become magnetic. People are drawn to those who are secure in themselves. Love and friendship become happy byproducts of a life well-lived, not frantic goals to be achieved.

### To Unleash Creativity: Stop Trying to Be Creative

If you're facing a creative block, the worst thing you can do is sit there and force it. The harder you squeeze, the less inspiration flows. Instead, apply the backwards law. Step away. Go for a walk in nature. Listen to some music. Work on a completely different, mundane task. By releasing the pressure and allowing your mind to wander, you create the space for your subconscious to make novel connections. The "Aha!" moment rarely comes when you're hunting for it; it ambushes you when you're relaxed and open.

Conclusion: Stop Pulling, Start Floating

The backwards law isn't a magic trick, and it's not a call for apathy. It's a profound shift in perspective. It's the realization that in a universe governed by flow and paradox, our instinct to push, pull, and control is often our greatest obstacle. It's about learning the subtle dance between effort and surrender, between doing and allowing. So the next time you feel yourself straining, fighting, and desperately trying to force an outcome, take a breath. Remember the Chinese finger trap. Remember what it feels like to float effortlessly in water. Sometimes, the only way forward is to stop pulling and simply let go.

Frequently Asked Questions About The Backwards Law

### 1. Is the backwards law just a fancy excuse for being lazy?

Absolutely not. It's the opposite. It's about being more effective by applying your energy intelligently. It's the difference between frantically splashing in the water (wasting energy) and using a proper swimming stroke (smart effort). It encourages action, but action without the desperate, anxious attachment to the outcome.

### 2. Can applying this law help with something serious like depression?

While the backwards law can be a powerful tool for managing feelings of anxiety and hopelessness that often accompany depression, it is not a substitute for professional medical help. Concepts like acceptance can be a valuable part of a therapeutic approach (like in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT), but it should be used alongside, not in place of, guidance from a qualified therapist or doctor.

### 3. How is the backwards law different from 'The Law of Attraction'?

They are almost opposites. The Law of Attraction often encourages an intense focus on what you want—visualizing it, feeling it, and intensely desiring it. The backwards law cautions that this very intensity of desire can create anxiety and reinforce a sense of lack. The backwards law is about detaching from the outcome, while the Law of Attraction is about intensely attaching to it.

### 4. What’s a simple first step to practice this today?

Pick one small thing you're resisting. Maybe it's a feeling of boredom, a chore you've been avoiding, or a minor irritation. Instead of fighting it or distracting yourself, just for two minutes, fully allow it. If you're bored, just sit and feel the boredom without grabbing your phone. If you're annoyed, just notice the feeling of annoyance. This small act of non-resistance is a foundational first step.

### 5. Does this mean I shouldn't have any goals for my life?

Not at all! Have big, beautiful, ambitious goals. The backwards law applies to your relationship with those goals. Set the goal, make your plan, and then fall in love with the process of getting there. Pour your energy into the daily actions and habits. Let the goal be the direction your ship is sailing, but find your joy in the act of sailing itself, not just in the desperate hope of reaching a distant shore.